Giving Feedback to Your Manager Without it Backfiring
Giving Feedback To Your Manager Without It Backfiring
Providing feedback to someone who evaluates your performance involves navigating power dynamics that can feel intimidating. Yet, constructive upward feedback benefits both you and your organization when done effectively.
When to Say Something (and When Not To)
Consider speaking up when:
The issue is recurring and affecting your work quality
You have concrete, specific examples to reference
You can propose actionable solutions
Your feedback aligns with company values or established processes
The timing allows for a proper conversation (not during a crisis)
Consider holding back when:
You're emotionally charged about the situation
The feedback is based on a single incident without pattern
It's about personality rather than behavior
Your manager is under extreme pressure or dealing with a critical deadline
The issue is resolving itself naturally
Anonymous vs. Direct Feedback
Anonymous feedback works best when:
There's a significant power imbalance
Your organization has established anonymous feedback channels
There's a history of retaliation for feedback
The feedback needs to be aggregated with others to show patterns
Direct feedback is generally more effective when:
You have an established relationship with trust
The feedback is constructively framed
You want to participate in the solution
The feedback is time-sensitive
Framing Your Feedback Effectively
The SBI+I Framework:
Situation: Set specific context
"During our sprint planning meeting last Tuesday..."
Not: "You always..."
Behavior: Describe observable actions, not interpretations
"When you scheduled three consecutive meetings without breaks..."
Not: "When you didn't care about our time..."
Impact: Explain the concrete consequences
"I wasn't able to complete the code review as planned, which delayed our deployment."
Not: "It made me feel like my work doesn't matter."
Inquiry: End with a collaborative question
"Could we discuss how to structure meeting schedules to allow focus time?"
Not: "Can you stop doing that?"
Delivery Methods Based on Sensitivity
For low-sensitivity feedback:
Casual 1:1 mentions
Regular feedback sessions
Team retrospectives (if appropriate for the team to hear)
For medium-sensitivity feedback:
Scheduled private conversation
Framed as a request for helping you work better
Paired with appreciation of positive aspects
For high-sensitivity feedback:
Formal private meeting
Potentially involve HR or a mentor for guidance beforehand
Written preparation to ensure clarity
Focus heavily on impact to business outcomes, not personal grievances
If They Take It Personally
Despite careful preparation, some managers may react defensively. When this happens:
Validate their response: "I understand this might be surprising to hear."
Reframe as partnership: "My goal isn't to criticize but to find a way for us to work together more effectively."
De-escalate if needed: "Perhaps we should pause and revisit this when we've both had time to reflect."
Follow up thoughtfully: Send a brief, positive note reiterating your commitment to the working relationship.
Document privately: Record the feedback given and response for your own reference.
Seek alternative channels: If the reaction was severely negative, consider whether you need guidance from HR or a skip-level manager.
Evaluate the pattern: If defensive reactions are consistent over time, this may signal a need to adjust your approach or reconsider the reporting relationship.
Building Feedback Receptivity Over Time
Creating an environment where upward feedback is welcome doesn't happen overnight:
Normalize two-way feedback by regularly asking for feedback on your own work
Start small with lower-stakes observations before moving to more significant issues
Acknowledge improvements when your manager makes changes based on feedback
Frame feedback in terms of shared goals rather than personal preferences
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