Giving Feedback to Your Manager Without it Backfiring

Giving Feedback To Your Manager Without It Backfiring

Providing feedback to someone who evaluates your performance involves navigating power dynamics that can feel intimidating. Yet, constructive upward feedback benefits both you and your organization when done effectively.

When to Say Something (and When Not To)

Consider speaking up when:

• The issue is recurring and affecting your work quality

• You have concrete, specific examples to reference

• You can propose actionable solutions

• Your feedback aligns with company values or established processes

• The timing allows for a proper conversation (not during a crisis)

Consider holding back when:

• You're emotionally charged about the situation

• The feedback is based on a single incident without pattern

• It's about personality rather than behavior

• Your manager is under extreme pressure or dealing with a critical deadline

• The issue is resolving itself naturally

Anonymous vs. Direct Feedback

Anonymous feedback works best when:

• There's a significant power imbalance

• Your organization has established anonymous feedback channels

• There's a history of retaliation for feedback

• The feedback needs to be aggregated with others to show patterns

Direct feedback is generally more effective when:

• You have an established relationship with trust

• The feedback is constructively framed

• You want to participate in the solution

• The feedback is time-sensitive

Framing Your Feedback Effectively

The SBI+I Framework:

1. Situation: Set specific context

   • "During our sprint planning meeting last Tuesday..."

   • Not: "You always..."

2. Behavior: Describe observable actions, not interpretations

   • "When you scheduled three consecutive meetings without breaks..."

   • Not: "When you didn't care about our time..."

3. Impact: Explain the concrete consequences

   • "I wasn't able to complete the code review as planned, which delayed our deployment."

   • Not: "It made me feel like my work doesn't matter."

4. Inquiry: End with a collaborative question

   • "Could we discuss how to structure meeting schedules to allow focus time?"

   • Not: "Can you stop doing that?"

Delivery Methods Based on Sensitivity

For low-sensitivity feedback:

• Casual 1:1 mentions

• Regular feedback sessions

• Team retrospectives (if appropriate for the team to hear)

For medium-sensitivity feedback:

• Scheduled private conversation

• Framed as a request for helping you work better

• Paired with appreciation of positive aspects

For high-sensitivity feedback:

• Formal private meeting

• Potentially involve HR or a mentor for guidance beforehand

• Written preparation to ensure clarity

• Focus heavily on impact to business outcomes, not personal grievances

If They Take It Personally

Despite careful preparation, some managers may react defensively. When this happens:

1. Validate their response: "I understand this might be surprising to hear."

2. Reframe as partnership: "My goal isn't to criticize but to find a way for us to work together more effectively."

3. De-escalate if needed: "Perhaps we should pause and revisit this when we've both had time to reflect."

4. Follow up thoughtfully: Send a brief, positive note reiterating your commitment to the working relationship.

5. Document privately: Record the feedback given and response for your own reference.

6. Seek alternative channels: If the reaction was severely negative, consider whether you need guidance from HR or a skip-level manager.

7. Evaluate the pattern: If defensive reactions are consistent over time, this may signal a need to adjust your approach or reconsider the reporting relationship.

Building Feedback Receptivity Over Time

Creating an environment where upward feedback is welcome doesn't happen overnight:

• Normalize two-way feedback by regularly asking for feedback on your own work

• Start small with lower-stakes observations before moving to more significant issues

• Acknowledge improvements when your manager makes changes based on feedback

• Frame feedback in terms of shared goals rather than personal preferences